Everyone is unhappy.
I am unhappy because I have NO PRIVACY, and nobody can live like that. I can't just walk into places and meet people, get to know them, trade phone numbers. To do that means making everyone I meet vulnerable to the conglomerate, which will hack the phones and emails of all of the people from whom I will ever get a phone call, text or email. The conglomerate will watch everything that those people do and publicize things about them, including my conversations with them. What perhaps you and every other famous person who invades my privacy doesn't seem to realize is that there's nowhere to which I could physically or metaphorically walk away from you. You have an oppressive amount of control over my life.
That's in addition to all of the other ways that the conglomerate has exposed my most private life to THE WORLD, and the horrible ways that will affect me and everything about me even after I die, no matter how long I live or what I die of.
I have tried to be understanding of your youth and lack of experience throughout all of this ordeal, from the beginning almost six years ago, until now. You're not far from 30, though, and I can't and do not want corrupted people who abuse me to be a real part of my life.
Also, I keep thinking about the part of the "Interview with the Vampire" movie when the character of the little girl vampire tiptoes around the sunlight so that she doesn't get burnt to cinders. That's what I feel like I'm doing about fame. It's just that one part of that movie that keeps playing in my mind; it probably says something about me and what I think of myself and my continuing interactions with celebrities who have harmed me, in addition to my concern that real fame will hit me and then all semblance of normality will disappear from how I have to live every day.
That's how I'm feeling. My guesses about how other people are feeling are:
-Your girlfriend doesn't know what to think about me or what she's heard about me. She's confused and upset about all of it.
-Kelly Rohrbach is DESPERATELY in love with you. I wish you would recognize that; my guess is that you are The Big Deal among movie stars for her generation. It could be that she also thinks that I'm stopping you from dating her, when what I was trying to do was warn her that hitting on a lot of people at a time in her career when her main claim to fame is dating Leonardo DiCaprio and not even so much as starring in a movie with him or someone else who's as successful as he is was NOT A GOOD IDEA. You can't toy with someone when he's been a movie star for over two decades and you're just a young actress and model and mostly unknown. It did make me sad that she likes you as much as she obviously does. It seemed to me that nothing good could happen from the situation, that everyone would just get hurt by it, and I don't think I was wrong.
I also won't accept being the victim of the conglomerate's hypocrisy. You have a girlfriend, FKA twigs. I say, every day, that I don't want people to hack my phone. At every hour of every day, the conglomerate invades my privacy and looks for ways to interpret things that I do, say, read, listen to and everything else as trying to encourage celebrities to want to date me, and then the conglomerate attacks me based on the interpretations that it has decided to make. It does this while all sorts of celebrities hit on other celebrities and whomever else they feel like hitting on through social media, ads, magazines, music, movies, television shows, and even MY HACKED PHONE.
Haven't you, Robert Pattinson, pretty much asked me out almost every day for the past 6 years, whether or not you had a girlfriend? Didn't Kristen Stewart have a boyfriend before she started the Twilight movies? Nobody, INCLUDING YOU, seemed to care about that guy, but when your emotional cruelty to Ms. Stewart drove her to what felt like love and admiration from someone else, the world crucified her for that. I only know about your life from our indirect interactions online, but you probably started coughing at her and doing similarly disrespectful, offensive and hurtful things as soon as the conglomerate started treating women that way. I'm sure that you just stopped loving her as much as you had before the conglomerate told you and all men that women are dirty and disgusting; the conglomerate turned you and all conglomerate male celebrities into much worse versions of who you otherwise would have been. It's not as if male celebrities before the conglomerate happened had lives that helped them be considerate, mature people, and the conglomerate made everything worse.
Whatever you decide to do about your relationship with FKA twigs, I WAS NOT trying to get between you. You're both young and financially independent. You could break up as soon as you read this and both have dates set every day with goodlooking, talented people for the rest of the year, before tomorrow. I'm living in a homeless shelter with 100 homeless women and am the target, around the world, of one of the most vicious and pervasive stigmatizing efforts ever made against one person.
I was sincere and felt good about telling you "No" every time that I have said it. There are good men out there, educated, single men who have never hurt me the way that you have. Whether or not the conglomerate will stop destroying my chances of meeting them is not a question that I can answer; it seems to me that the conglomerate, which also loves to attack me for being "old," has decided to make me spend my last years of fertility watching my chances of getting married and having children who won't be mercilessly bullied because of what the conglomerate has done to me die.
-Leonardo DiCaprio is mad at me because he thinks that I encouraged him yet again to fall in love with someone and it hasn't worked out. What I was trying to do was to encourage him and Ms. Rohrbach to respect me and each other, no matter what they decide to do.
I hope that everyone reading this page realizes that the Secretary of State of the United States or someone who works for him is probably going to read the page before this one. Whether it's Mr. Kerry or someone who works for him who reads that page, once that person starts reading this page, he or she will probably feel justified for thinking that I am hopelessly trivial and not someone whose opinion should be taken seriously about anything.
That the conglomerate treats frivolous celebrities as if they are serious people while it calls me stupid and greedy and attacks me even when I'm ignoring those same people or refusing to date them is not something that the conglomerate seems to have much awareness of.
Sometimes, I have tried to separate the serious and less serious sides of my online life by having separate blogs. It doesn't work; the conglomerate incorporates everything from all of my blogs for its attacks on me. Then I have to quote one of my blogs to the other to describe what the conglomerate has taken from what I've published, and nothing stops the conglomerate from attacking me, nothing.
I'm not trying to be a celebrity or a government official or a government employee or even an informal advisor to anyone. How is it that pornographers have been able to continue their activities, no matter how obscene, by saying that they are protected by the right of freedom of speech, while my blogs get censored when I publish video of people who stalk and harass me, including employees of the U.S. Postal Service?
Celebrities look at how politicians are treating me so that they'll know how to treat me. Politicians and the people who work for them look at how celebrities treat me and my responses to that treatment to know whether or not I really am insisting that people respect me; I'm not the one with the millions of dollars and potential fans that each political party could use in elections and to support other things, so anything less than a Puritanical "I've never been so insulted in my life; never speak to me again, you hedonistic heathen" from me even toward celebrities who truly like me and just don't know what they're doing will get me the "backhand the ho" treatment from people who are more officially powerful than celebrities. Even that total rejection from me won't count for much; it won't erase the SICK, SADISTIC, ILLEGAL videos or the memories of affronted celebrities and all of the male writers and directors and everyone in the entertainment industry who just can't and never will write as well as I can.
Copyright L. Kochman, January 4, 2016 @ 2:35 p.m./additions @ 4:16 p.m.
