You are surrounded by a group of people who are there to restrain you if you try to fight back. Many of them are people who have harassed you and then pretended that you're delusional when you told them to stop or told their supervisor to tell them to stop, for days or weeks until you finally lost your temper and threw a cup of water at one of them. That's why they're going to inject you; because you threw a cup of water at one of them. One of them probably also stole your diary from your room and publicized it. They all know who you are and what your situation is; most of them pretend not to because it's more fun for them to say that you're crazy.
If you resist, you will lose. You know that you can't win, and that things will just get worse for you if you give them an excuse to do more violence to you than they have already done and are about to do with the needle. From your many years of having hospitalizations, you have seen what happens to people who resist. If you get bruised, if they break some of your bones, you'll be fortunate to get adequate medical treatment for the injuries that they inflict on you because "it's all in your head," and "you should have stayed in control." There is always a percentage of people who work in mental hospitals because they like being able to hurt people, a larger percentage of people who work at those places and who spend their entire day in denial, and a few people who care who are outnumbered everywhere. I was later told by several patients that they had also gotten injected; they were never disruptive while I was at that hospital. There were also patients who yelled and screamed, who threw chairs, who didn't get brought to the Quiet Room, maybe because they gave the staff enough excitement with their behavior that the staff was satiated and didn't feel like trying to get into an actual, physical fight with patients who might fight back and hurt them. Maybe who gets dragged to the Quiet Room depends on who's working at the time; staff who like to pick on the smaller, quiet patients who don't look like they'll fight back in the Quiet Room or staff who like the prospect of getting into physical altercations with the patients who do. The Quiet Room, for Quiet Patients To Be Made Quieter.
You know that there is nothing that you can do to stop what's about to happen to you, so you let them do it. If you don't lie on your stomach on the medicating/physical restraint table and let them pull your pants down enough to give you shots in your butt, they will make you, and they will either strap you to the table or have at least 4 people holding you down.
It's probably what it feels like before being gang raped. That's what I thought of when the hospital staff were crowded into what's called "The Quiet Room" at Lynn Hospital almost a year ago. If you're rational, you know that there's nothing that you can do to stop them, that nobody's about to walk through the door and save you, and that what they want to do to you is what they're going to do. I'm sure that there are patients who take a while to be made quiet in that room, even if they know that they can't win; maybe especially then.
I had side effects for days after I was injected. My jaw clenched by itself and I bit my tongue over and over. I'm fortunate that the neurological side effects weren't permanent; if they had given me more doses, they probably would have done permanent damage to my nervous system. That damage is why people who have spent a lot of time in mental hospitals often look funny, with their limbs moving around on their own and their faces grimacing. Of course, most of the public doesn't know that; it just thinks those people are extra crazy and that's why they look weird.
I'm probably the only person who has ever gotten the 3 shots that they give you for one dosage of involuntary medication at Lynn Hospital and who then was targeted by a television ad featuring Jennifer Aniston saying "Great shot," with a hateful smile on her face. The conglomerate turned that incident into the basis of ad campaigns for all sorts of things as soon as it happened.
Copyright L. Kochman, November 24, 2015 @ 6:46 p.m.
