Chuckie: How many times has Lena told me that she DOESN'T WANT TO DATE ME?
Will: I don't know; even Rainman doesn't know.
Chuckie: What do you think the probability is that she'll date me?
Will: I don't think that a probability calculation will help you feel better about this.
Chuckie: Why? You don't know what I'm thinking. I know you're smarter than all of us, but you can't read my mind.
Will: I think there is no chance that she is going to date you.
Chuckie: That's not a probability. That's not a number.
Will: What do you want me to say?
Chuckie: A number.
Will: I don't think that's what you want. I think you should accept that there is no chance that she's going to date you.
Chuckie: I know what I want.
Will: You know what you want, all right, I'll tell you what. Since I know that you're going to needle me about this until I tell you, that even if you say "You're right, Will, I accept that there's no chance and I won't ask you about it any more," we'll be out with everybody and suddenly you'll ask me about it again, and then I'll have to tell you again that you really don't want to know, and all of our friends who are sick of this conversation and conversations like it will also tell you that, or they'll tell us that they're leaving and to try to be where they're going to be later, and then I'll have to sit there and tell you how much you don't want to know the answer while everybody else is talking to other people somewhere else about something else, and then you'll get mad and won't talk at all for the rest of the night, I will tell you. The probability that she's going to date you is negative infinity.
Chuckie: What the f--- is negative infinity?
Will: It is infinitely more negative than nothing. It is the total, numerical opposite of everything that you say you feel about her, on a trajectory that continues infinitely. There is some speculation that the universe is finite rather than infinite, but numerical infinity is infinite and so is negative, numerical infinity.
Chuckie: You're saying that there's more of a chance that the universe has an end than that how much she doesn't want to date me has an end?
Will: Yes.
Chuckie: Infinity is that thing that goes around like a loop and crosses in the middle?
Will: Yes.
Chuckie: If a bug walked on that loop, it would start out going one way and then it would have to turn around and go the other way for a while, wouldn't it?
Will: (Pause). SHE'S NOT GOING TO GO OUT WITH YOU! SHE'S NOT GOING TO GO OUT WITH ME, EITHER; SHE HATES US!
Chuckie: Did you ask her out?
Will: No.
Chuckie: You want to go out with her.
Will: No; I want you to stop asking me to tell you what you already know.
Chuckie: All right.
Will: Can we leave to talk to our other friends now?
Chuckie: All right.
A few minutes later...
Chuckie: What if the bug got tired and decided that it didn't want to walk any more, even though the bug wasn't where it thought it wanted to be when it started walking...
Will: I don't think that hoping that someone gets too tired to flee your unwanted attentions is how you want to think about this.
Chuckie: Why not?
Will: Because you deserve better than to spend the rest of your life trying to get someone who really doesn't want to be with you.
Chuckie: What if I want to spend the rest of my life that way?
Will: Then you're going to waste your life.
Chuckie: Flee my unwanted attentions. Is that what you said?
Will: Ordinarily I would pretend not to know what you're talking about, but I can't even laugh about this any more.
Chuckie: You think I'm ridiculous.
Will: No. I think you're miserable, and so is she, and so is everyone who has spent years hoping that you'll get over this and live your life.
Chuckie: I live my life.
Will: No; you'd rather live in a fantasy of what your life could be like if only you had this or you had that.
Chuckie: What are you talking about?
Will: I'm talking about how much you keep trying to lose what you have so that you can keep trying to make life do what you want it to do. If you never have anything, then you can always start at the beginning of building something, and during all the time that you're building your next reality, you can be deluded about how it will make you happier than your last reality did.
Chuckie: (Sarcastic) Thank you for the free therapy session.
Will: Believe me, it's better than the one that I had a few days ago.
Chuckie: Maybe you shouldn't switch your therapists around so often. Wasn't there one that you liked?
Will: Yeah.
Chuckie: What happened to him?
Will: He got tired of reality.
___________________________________
The characters are from movies.
I wrote the rest of it.
Ben Affleck's near-psychosis about me is really disturbing. I want him to leave me alone. For years, I have said nothing other than that I don't want to date him and I don't know what to do about him not stopping.
It seems like he's going to persecute me for refusing to date him.
Copyright, with noted exceptions, July 27, 2016 @ 10:44 p.m./title edited @ 11:57 p.m./page edited July 28, 2016 @ 12:09 a.m. All polices operative, all the time, every page, which I say all the time. /Page edited July 28, 2016 @ 10:41 a.m.
