You're really only 22? I had forgotten how young you were when all of this started.
I guess Zac Efron was about the age you are now when it did all start, and I thought he was too young for me then. I'm sure you'll understand how much you are too young for me, considering that it's several years later.
Kick the can. It's a game I never played, because I grew up in rural places. I heard about it. It seems an appropriate metaphor. When a bunch of people create the parameters for their competition, and they decide what the thing is that they'll kick around and try to get through goals on either side, it's the competition that matters to them as soon as the game starts. The object of their intense battling is only worth as much to them as how much they want to win against each other and in front of other people.
I would be really glad to have whatever competition is still happening about me to stop. I never liked it, even before it got to be this ludicrous, people acting half the time like I'm the prize of the century and then suddenly remembering that I'm middle-aged and acting like I'm the one hopelessly pursing them and making yet another gross joke of it.
Tonight, I am tired and feel actually sick to my stomach. That's all I'm able to write. I'd like not to have to worry that you're worrying about whether I'm looking at your social media or am about to write about you. I have a lot of stress all the time, and these are also my last weeks of the semester, so I have things I have to do. Thanks to the conglomerate, I have no social life where I live and don't know what to do about it. I am celebrity roadkill, thrashing around after the accident.
I think you have a concert scheduled in Boston after this week. It would be nice if you didn't talk about me then. I'm so unhappy about everything that's happened to me; everyone who tries to say that I like it is so vicious.
Copyright L. Kochman, April 30, 2016 @ 11:29 p.m.
