The conglomerate has seen me do other things like that over the past year that I've been coping with the voyeurism and the conglomerate's daily ridicule and victim-blaming, full of references to its perversions of what it sees and hears in the apartment.
The conglomerate has seen me turn off the lights to change my clothes, shower and use the toilet every day for more than a year, which I also did in my last apartment; all the conglomerate does is torment me for having no power to protect myself.
The conglomerate knows that, when I tried to obtain psychological counseling at Boston Medical Center to help me deal with being victimized by voyeurism, the hospital didn't believe me, labeled me psychotic and dangerous, shunned me, and has since refused me adequate psychological and medical services and subjected me to degrading personal treatment.
The conglomerate knows that I have no friends. I don't invite people to the apartment; for them to walk in the door would be to expose them to the conglomerate. The conglomerate knows that I can't send one email, one text or have one phone call without exposing the person to whom I'm talking to the conglomerate and the conglomerate's abuse.
The conglomerate DOESN'T CARE. There is NOTHING that happens to me that the conglomerate doesn't say I deserve.
I have lived in isolation and misery for 7 years, hoping that it will stop, and it doesn't. Every abuse is excused and the victim-blaming for it is used to start another, worse abuse, until my total degradation is accepted as being normal. I am even abused for supposedly being privileged to have so many people invading my privacy, and so there's nothing lacking from the stereotype of a false accuser of abuse that the conglomerate has applied to me; lying, crazy, looking for attention.
Then there are all of the other stereotypes about women, all thrown at me every day, often in the same jokes:
-Hypersexual and mercenary, even though I was a virgin until I was 27, haven't had sex since I was 29, have been personally poor all of my adult life and have rejected so many offers from so many rich people that I don't know how many there were.
-Old and ugly, even though one rich, physically attractive person after another has nursed his wounds of rejection by accusing me, usually for years, of manipulating them with my feminine wiles.
-So beautiful that not only should nobody feel bad about victimizing me with voyeurism, I AM BLAMED for the voyeurism and accused of wanting people to film me.
I think about suicide EVERY DAY. I almost never think about anything else, and it's been like that for so many years that I am forgetting what it feels like not to think about it all the time.
Those are the addresses of videos that I filmed and published in December 2016 and January 2017, respectively. Although I have spoken to patient advocacy at Boston Medical Center since these incidents occurred, things have only worsened; I was sent a letter refusing me physical treatment at the office where I was degraded by the unexpected presence and coercive behavior of the security guards.
The websites that host hateblogs about me have refused to remove them from the Internet, saying that they have no responsibility for what people publish.
That's the address of the first page of Google results for "lena kochman."
All of the false accusations about me that have happened in the Boston area over the past year are the result of people reading about me online, trying to upset me with persistent harassment, and/or lying about my reactions and other behavior. They then use what "the Internet" says about me to "prove" that they're the victims and I'm the aggressor.
The refusal of the Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission to help me to access their employment network, the refusal of Boston Medical Center to provide me with adequate medical care, and the anxiety of the property management to have me removed from the building, are all the result of what people are saying about me on the Internet, and not the result of aggressive or otherwise inappropriate behavior from me. Someone who works for the property management installed the hidden, illegal cameras in the apartment when he or she knew that I was about to rent it. What's said about me on the Internet is why the property management doesn't believe me.
Has anyone ever tried less to be famous while other people were trying to make her famous? Has anyone ever tried less to exploit rich people who are so used to an exploitative working and social culture that they wouldn't have said it was exploitation if I hadn't rejected them? Has anyone ever been so viciously sexually harassed and slut-shamed by so many people and for so many years, for saying No to people who say they want to sleep with her?
I started to have urogenital pain in September 2016. I have had it for 7 months, and I don't know when or where I'll be able to have appropriate, respectful medical treatment. I have no idea what's being said about me at Boston Medical Center that is preventing my having appropriate, respectful care. It was so difficult to call for the first appointment about the problem anyway, because of the years of trauma to which the conglomerate has subjected me. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised if what those of the adminstration of Boston Medical Center who are destroying my health are saying is that I'm obsessed with having a dirty vagina, that I don't really have a physical problem that has a physical cause, that it's all psychological and that my obsession is making me a potential danger to providers, and that's why I can't have an appointment or an exam without a female security guard in the room and a male security guard outside the door.
The problem feels like an infection, and has responded, although only temporarily, to antibiotics prescribed over the course of several weeks, months ago, before I was refused treatment. If it is an infection, and I continue not to have appropriate treatment for it, I'm concerned that I'll have permanent damage.
Copyright L. Kochman, March 25, 2017 @ 9:05 p.m.
