There is nobody who hacks my phone or watches me in my apartment who can pretend that these invasions of my privacy are even misguidedly motivated by anything positive.
I'm losing my apartment. I'm being treated like a criminal who has lied about the cameras, by the property management and the property management's lawyers. That's how I was treated in court by the judge at the pretrial conference a month ago. Even people in the Boston area who want to help me don't want to help me because they believe me; it's their profession to try to help all of their clients not have to be homeless, but they think I'm delusional about the cameras.
Not only has nobody who knows that the illegal, hidden cameras in my apartment aren't a delusion told anyone, from the police to the lawyers for the property management to the person at Legal Services (for poor people who can't pay anything) who could have been my lawyer if she hadn't thought I was delusional, it seems as if the following things are happening:
-smug self-righteousness about not telling anyone, as if, like every other abuse that the conglomerate has inflicted on me since 2010, I'm only getting what I deserve
-vindictiveness from women who feel like I'm their competition for men, even though I have rejected everyone who's wanted to date me
-denial of what's happening, from men who seem to think that my losing my apartment isn't an impediment to the appropriateness of their flirting with me, even though they and everyone else who know that I'm telling the truth have had since December 2016 to tell someone who can stop my impending homelessness that I'm telling the truth
It's already bad to have no privacy. To realize that of all of the people who hack your phone, watch you sleep at night, see you turn off the lights and block the bottom of the bathroom door with a towel when you need to change, take a shower or use the toilet, who hear you pee and poop and who know when you have your period, not one person cares that you're being sent back to life-threatening homelessness, is overwhelmingly depressing. I am not a person to any of these people; I never was. Even I can't pretend anymore that maybe they don't understand how bad it is; they don't care, and that's all there is to it, and many of them are enjoying the feeling of power that they have by watching me beg, week after week, for one of them to tell the truth.
Indifference and hostility; there's no other accurate description.
The merely stupid and vicious can't be the only people who are invading my privacy, but I have tried not to think about the people whom I know nothing about, who hack my phone and watch me in my own home, the ones who will kill me when they can, for their own amusement, like everything else that has happened to me for someone's amusement. Anyone can hack my phone. Anyone can tap the signals from the hidden, illegal cameras in my apartment.
Not only am I losing the second apartment in a row where my true accusations of voyeurism have been treated like the lies of someone who is psychotic, not only is it improbable that I'll be able to get a place to live after this second forced move, nothing is stopping voyeurism from happening to me again. I have asked so many people for help stopping the voyeurism that has happened in so many places, and not been believed or helped by any of them, that I've been labeled as someone who makes false accusations of voyeurism everywhere.
Copyright L. Kochman, April 3, 2017 @ 3:35 a.m.
