I don't want to date a celebrity.
Even if you weren't a celebrity, I would not want to date you because YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON. YOU DO HORRIBLE THINGS. IT IS NOT OUT OF CHARACTER FOR YOU TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS; THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. I didn't want to believe that about you, but I have to believe it because you have proven it over and over.
I'm not saying this because you have a girlfriend, or because I feel guilty, or because she's mad at me, or because I am afraid of the conglomerate, or because I am afraid of what anyone thinks of me, or for any other reason except that this is how I feel.
You are not a nice person; for 6 years, you have consistently done bad things that hurt me and other people. I have told you how I feel about you doing those things and you don't care. I have written and spoken for years about why they're bad things and you don't care about the principles that I talk about or the specific examples that I also talk about; over and over, you show how much it all isn't important to you.
You are old enough to know better, and you don't. You also don't seem to have the awareness that the reason that there are people who are older than you are who are acting as if they don't know better is that the world is not a fair place and those people either like the unfair power that they have or want to get that power.
When someone like you tries to say or indicate the idea that you love me, I can't begin to know who you think the person is whom you think you love. When I have tried to believe that you could improve, even just to be friends, which is all that had offered you until you seemed so sure that you wanted at least not to be in the relationship that you're in and had seemed to have a real interest about me, I have not ever meant to imply that I would change according to your value system. My hope was that you would understand that you were wrong and that you would change according to my value system, which is not unreasonable since your value system promotes horrible crime.
I don't think that I want to know what kind of person you probably really are. Everything that you have done for the past year has finally proven to me that whoever it is that I thought you were, you are not that person.
When I wrote a page several weeks ago saying that it wouldn't be unreasonable for anyone to say that you should take 6 months to sort out your relationship with FKA twigs, I wasn't telling you to break up with her. What I said was what I meant; take time to sort out your relationship with her. Whether that means that you stay together or that you don't, it's not about something that is precipitous, dramatic and disrespectful. What seems to have happened instead is that you have continued to do whatever you want while other women throw themselves at you and she blames me for everything; no change, in other words. I also wrote that page before I really understood the way that you had betrayed me and set out deliberately to hurt me as much as you could think of at that time; that is what you did and have continued to do, isn't it? If I'm wrong about that, I would like to know it. I don't like having reasons to hate people.
I don't want to date you. Everything about all of this is degrading and that is not what I want.
Copyright L. Kochman, December 25, 2015 @ 7:12 p.m.
